Going To Live The Wrong Life
by klcm
Summary: Morgan told her to move on with her life but she just couldn't...
1. Running Thoughts, Running Being

Disclaimer: I do not own the greatness that is Criminal Minds!

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Penelope had remembered the lyrics like the back of hand or the pattern of her favourite skirt. They were ingrained like torture and they burnt over and over again. The thing that hurt her more was the fact that each word was significant, poignant and one hundred percent correct.

So here she was, sitting in front of a mirror and her heart was breaking over and over again, shattering more than it had been. All because the man she truly loved had told her what he wanted for her. How he wanted her to live. How he wanted her to have what he was certain he couldn't give her.

So she'd done as he wanted, even though it was nothing that she wanted.

_**Comparisons are easily done  
Once you've had a taste of perfection  
Like an apple hanging from a tree  
I picked the ripest one  
I still got the seed**_

You said move on  
Where do I go  
I guess second best  
Is all I will know

She stared at her hair as it sat perfectly, in a hair style that he hated, her makeup done how he had told her he disliked, and to be honest she hated it all, everything down to the dress, down to her life. She ran a hand over head, pulling the pins out, letting the curls fall freely.

Kevin Lynch loved her hair in that style and loved the makeup she had on and now she was undoing it all. She tore at her hair making it fall down into its perfected curls, and she smeared the plum lipstick off her lips with the back of her hand. Grabbing a wipe that JJ had left she began to take the makeup off, making her face an empty palette.

Sucking in a deep breath she took the wonky veil from the reign of hair and threw it across the room. She then got up and grabbed her bag, rummaging around she pulled out her makeup bag, settling down she applied it slowly and precisely.

Smacking her lips together she felt a bit of ease settle over her, the ruby redness shining, she got on with applying the rest and when she was done she felt like her. Like Penelope Garcia, not something someone else had made her.

Now she sat with her hair how she liked it, her makeup how she'd taken years to perfect and for once she smiled, Penelope Garcia was coming to the surface.

_**Cause when I'm with him  
I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you  
What you would do if  
You were the one  
Who was spending the night  
Oh I wish that I  
Was looking into your eyes**_

Penelope remembered the night before last, her and Kevin had once again been intimate but as she looked at him, her mind swam elsewhere, swam to a man that was of different race, different body type, different humour, different kindness, to a totally different person.

Their eyes were different, their lips were different, their face shapes were different, the feel of them moulding into her body were different. Kevin Lynch was just not Derek Morgan and he never would be.

Kevin was still immature, still in student mode, still yet to grow up. Derek Morgan was stoic and bold and every inch of him begged to be noticed.

_**You're like an Indian summer  
In the middle of winter  
Like a hard candy  
With a surprise centre  
How do I get better  
Once I've had the best  
You said there's  
Tons of fish in the water  
So the waters I will test**_

He kissed my lips  
I taste your mouth  
He pulled me in  
I was disgusted with myself

The knock at the door knocked Penelope from her thoughts, from her disgust at herself, from thinking of the love she had with her best friend.

'You decent?' Kevin's mother's voice spoke through the door. Penelope didn't even have chance to answer before the door swung open and she walked in. 'Are you...' She froze and stared at her. 'What have you done?'

'To?'

'Yourself.' She said and Penelope just stared at her. Her hatred for the one woman growing more and more with each passing second. Kevin's mom was not fat, more round, Penelope would compare her size with it but the clothes the older woman wore did not do anything to enhance her better assets.

Penelope would enhance her cleavage, or outline her waist, or show off her legs in killer heels but this woman wore the label frumpy to an absolute T and if anything Penelope got annoyed rather than try to help.

She sighed life was going to be an uphill battle after today.

_**You're the best  
And yes I do regret  
How I could let myself  
Let you go  
Now the lessons learned  
I touched it I was burned  
Oh I think you should know**_

Penelope didn't answer, she just stood up and walked out of the room, sliding on the white gloves as she went, she stood outside of the white doors, beyond it were their guests, if Penelope could take a guess around 5% were hers, 95% were Kevin's.

This wasn't her day, this was Kevin's day, she wasn't in the right mind and even now with Emily and JJ fluttering around her, pushing the dress into shape, tidying bits of lace away, making sure the corset was set right, that it fit right, that there were no curls out of place, Penelope stared off.

2 days earlier her best friend was shot, he was still in hospital and after arguments with not only him but Kevin, the wedding was still underway. Derek's reasoning was that her future husband needed her, she needed to start the new chapter of her life and Kevin's reasoning was that his was her future husband not _Derek fucking Morgan_.

_**Oh won't you walk through  
And bust in the door  
And take me away  
Oh no more mistakes  
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...  
stay....**_

Derek wasn't going to save the day; even if he could he wouldn't destroy her future like that. He wasn't going to bust in like the noir hero she claimed him to be and he wasn't going to carry her off on a dark horse like her Prince Charming.

He wasn't going to be there at all.

So she turned from the white doors in front of her and busted out of the church and broke into a run.

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_**A/N:**_ So there it is, the beginning of this story!

Song- Katy Perry- Thinking Of You


	2. Remembering Your Love

Disclaimer: I do not own the greatness that is Criminal Minds!

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Penelope could hear yelling from behind, but as she ran she threw the bouquet, tore of the gloves and dropped the ring off her finger. She had the small white purse she was told would complete her ensemble and stuffed inside was her mobile, her keys, her money. She whistled for a passing cab and jumped in, she gave the address she needed and settled back.

No second glance at the church as her mind rallied to one of her most fateful nights.

_She'd been home no longer than 40 minutes, she'd almost lost him that day, nearly lost Hotch too but nearly lost Derek, her best friend, her confidante._

_Crazy Unsubs came with the job she knew that, gruesome cases had also been part of the requirements she knew about. What never got normal and what never got easier was one of her family members getting hurt. Even brushes with bullets or close shaves with knives never gave her a settled night's sleep._

_Like tonight, it was well after 1am in the morning. Well after the end of the last case. But nowhere near the end of her panic and troubled mind. She'd been on the phone, just like with the New York case, when an explosion rang out and she'd thought for the second time that she'd lost Derek._

_Crumpling down on the sofa, the tears brimmed and spilt everywhere and she was happy that she'd sent Kevin packing with his idea of looking after her because she was crying crocodile tears over a hero complexed jerk but Derek wasn't that and the tears weren't those type, it was all real because the moment she thought she'd lost was the moment she gained something. Gained perspective of what Derek was to her. He was and always would be the man she loved._

_The knocking on the door came and she pulled herself off the couch, opening the door she didn't look. 'Go home Kevin, I said no.'_

'_Now baby girl, is that a way to talk to your God of Chocolate Thunder?' Wordlessly Penelope had flung herself into his arms, her arms wrapping around his neck pulling him close. 'That's better.' He murmured happily. 'What's wrong?' He asked a couple of minutes later as he carried her into her apartment and closed the door, he heard her hiccups as she cried and he worried about it. 'Hey, hey, hey.' He said as he pulled away and looked at her, he pulled away, removed her glasses and wiped the tears away. 'Stop the tears baby, I hate it when you cry.' _

_That made her cry worse, Kevin left her to it when she cried, left her to beat her demons alone, left her to face whatever came next alone. Kevin was never going to be Derek and she had to live with that._

'_Come on, talk to me.'_

'_You scare me.' She admitted and tried to gain her own composure. 'You never know what happens to me when one of you lot get hurt, or come close.'_

'_Why would I scare you?'_

_Then before she could stop she blurted it out. 'Because I love you.' She froze after that, her eyes wide, Derek's gaze on her. He then just grabbed her and kissed her greedily, his head playing no role in his actions and he guessed from the way Penelope was taking this easily that she was in the same frame of mind as he was._

_So he took her to her bed, and did exactly that, he bedded her, well and truly screwed her on those purple sheets. Undressing her, he lavished in her curves and in the purity of her skin, the lily whiteness that was as seductive as her lips, as her eyes, as her voice and when she was how he needed her, he stripped. Then climbed on top of her and kissed her before travelling down, his hand staying on her clit, stimulating her arousal, working every second they had like it were their last. Kissing the valley of her breasts, then her navel, then further down until he removed his hand and aroused her differently, feeling her react spurred him on. Hearing her moan and groan with pleasure made him try harder, out doing himself over and over again. When he came up and made his way to her lips again he kissed her senselessly before driving himself into her._

_With satisfaction filling them both, he rolled over and left her be, panting as her breath caught up and then she looked at him. After hearing his name called out in ecstasy he knew the next was coming._

'_Kevin?' Penelope asked worriedly, she was in a relationship with him but had sex with another man._

_Derek looked at Penelope. 'Marry him Pen, make a future with him.'_

'_But...' She said shocked. 'But we just...'_

'_Had mind blowing sex I know but I can't give you what he can, you can't live off sex, you need a man to complete you.'_

'_So what...' She said sitting up. 'This didn't happen.'_

'_This happened alright, but I can't make you unhappy baby girl, I want you happy.' Derek said and although his tone was even and calm and full of lust, his eyes were screaming with the pain he felt. 'He's the man for you.'_

_Penelope bit her lip, she'd just had the best sex of her life and the man didn't want to carry it on. 'Do you even love me?'_

'_More than the world itself but I cannot give you what you want.' He told her again with sincerity. _

'_So you're going to walk out of that door?'_

'_I am.'_

'_Like this didn't happen?'_

'_I am.'_

'_And I don't get a say?'_

'_I can't break your heart baby girl.'_

'_And this isn't?' She said as she clambered off the bed, grabbing her clothes, redressing herself. 'Leave Derek.' She said and then grabbed something off the vanity; right in front of him she took the pill, he just continued to watch her. 'We used no condom, let's not run the risk eh?' She asked almost bitterly._

'_Baby girl... let me explain.'_

'_Leave.' She told him, she knew he was right but she didn't want him to be. Derek got off the bed put on his boxers and went towards her. 'Leave.' She repeated but Derek kissed her again, greedier than before, harsher, more desired, as they pulled away she looked at him. 'Leave.'_

And he did, and after that they never spoke of that night. Kevin proposed to her and it never arose again, Derek went with Tamara Barnes and it was never spoken.

Now it was all they were going to talk about she decided as she entered the hospital, dressed in her wedding dress and not a care in the world.


	3. Setting You Straight

Disclaimer: I do not own the greatness that is Criminal Minds!

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She watched him sleeping; she stood in the doorway and just watched him. She'd gone to him when she had a moment to see him herself and he had pleaded with her to go through with the wedding, get her happily ever after but she wasn't going to get that when it wasn't with him. She'd never be happy with Kevin, she'd never be complete.

'Can I help you?' A nurse spoke from behind her and she spun round, she watched her eye her over.

'Is he okay?'

'He's fine; can I ask what you're doing here?'

'I just needed to be here.'

'It seems that you are needed somewhere else.' The nurse said almost antagonistically. 'Don't you think it's wise for you to be there?'

'Did I ask for your opinion?' Penelope asked, she didn't know who the woman was and she shouldn't have to listen to her. 'I didn't and I won't because I have no idea who you are and you don't know who I am or who that man is so why are you looking at me like I shouldn't be here?' The nurse said nothing but just left Penelope.

'Baby girl?' Derek's voice asked out tiredly.

Penelope straightened up and turned around, her face lightened with a smile. 'Hey Hot Stuff, how you doing today?'

His eyebrows knitted together in confusion, his breathing raced as he looked over her in the wedding dress, her makeup and hair, everything how he loved it. 'What are you doing here?'

'Doesn't matter, how you feeling?'

'Penelope...' He groaned as he sat up a bit. 'What are you doing here?' She didn't reply. 'Get out Garcia.' He ground out; she was making a mistake being here. 'You shouldn't be here; you should be in the church getting married so get out.'

'No.'

'Penelope.'

'No... that night we slept together you told me to be happy with Kevin.' She told him and her voice changed as the tears built. 'I've been nothing but miserable since you told me that, I'm not happy with him. I don't care if you can't give me the future you think I deserve. A future with you would be my idea of happiness, not with Kevin, never with Kevin.'

'So you ran from your wedding to tell me that?'

'Yes because even if you tell me no you need to know what that night meant to me and if you still feel the same then I'll leave, I was going to take a career change so you could well be the push I need but I need you to know that I love you more than you can ever know.'

'I knew taking you to bed that night was a mistake.'

'Never a mistake... just making my wildest dreams come true.' Penelope said and stepped out of her heels and kicked them over to the wall. 'I love you Derek because you're everything I need in life, Kevin was never what I wanted, he could never fulfil me and he could never make me truly happy.'

'I can't make you leave, I can't have you leave.' Derek admitted, his heart slowly warming that the truth was coming out. 'I'm so sorry for that night, I knew I was breaking your heart and I just couldn't stay.'

'So what are you saying?'

'That that night was the biggest mistake of my entire life that's what Baby Girl, I've wanted nothing more than to just take you to your office and redo it, make love to you again, have you around me like that night.' He looked her over again. 'You look amazing P.' She blushed. 'Perfect even.' She watched him then move.

'Where are you going?'

'Lie with me.'

'Derek, those beds aren't big.'

'No but I want you next to me, so I can feel you.' She contemplated it at first before giving in and getting on the bed next to him, the bottom of her dress splaying out on the bed, her head on Derek's good side, his arm around her and all he could think was one thing. 'Perfect fit.'

'I always am when you're around.' She said sadly. 'I disappointed a lot of people today.'

'I know you did, but not me.'

'I know. Kevin's mom came in, I'd changed my hair and makeup from how she'd made me have it. I wasn't me, this is me, I needed to be me and then I was standing in front of those doors waiting for them to open so I could walk to my happiness and I couldn't do it.'

'So what did you do?'

'I ran out the doors and into the sunlight, threw my gloves and bouquet and hailed a cab and came here... this is where I'm meant to be.' She said contently as Derek played with her hair. 'I don't care if I live for sex, I can't live without you.'

'Then marry me.' Penelope shot up and looked at him. 'Be my wife, be my family.'

'You don't want that Derek.'

'Baby, I've only ever looked at you and seen that type of future, I want that.' He told her and smiled genuinely at her. 'I want you in my bed nightly, as Mrs Morgan and I want to see you bearing my children. I couldn't have handled you having Kevin's baby in you. I was jealous of him for getting to marry you, that would've topped me too much.'

Penelope hadn't realised she was crying until he wiped the tear away. 'You mean it?'

'Through and through, I told you I loved you more than the world itself and I meant it. I've been in love with you for too long but never had my gateway to show you so I let you go, tried to set you free but it's clear now that you've been free, not after that night anyway.'

'Try since day one, that night kind of sealed the deal.'

'Well seal this deal baby girl, marry me?'

'Yes!' She said and kissed him romantically, no greed or angst to it just love and happiness and she pulled away and smiled at him. 'I will.'

'Good, as soon as I can I'm getting you a ring.' She heard him tell her and she smiled larger, he meant it all. He then gestured for her to snuggle into him again, take his embrace and she did and they just laid there together.

'How you feeling today?'

'Less pain, it's getting better.' He told her and then felt her getting heavier against him as the sleep she looked like she needed took her over and he settled down, he was getting better because he got the one thing he thought he'd lost, she was now his.

His baby girl was going to be his future wife and although she still had Kevin to deal with she was still going to be his after that and that was all that mattered to him.

His lies were now his truths.


	4. Harsh Truths

Disclaimer: I do not own the greatness that is Criminal Minds!

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Penelope was jolted awake and was yanked off the bed, her limbs still acting asleep she stumbled, her mind racing with what was happening. It was the first night sleep she'd had in too long and it was ended abruptly.

Derek watched as Kevin's mother pulled Penelope from his grasp and he started to pull the wires off himself, trying to get up as easy as he could.

'Derek calm down.' Penelope said warming, her voice still thick with sleep. 'I'll settle this.' She said and pulled her arm out of the woman's hold. 'Karen, what are you doing here?'

'You run from my son's wedding and you expect me to not do a thing?'

Penelope laughed slightly. 'Sorry if I don't feel bad, I've never truly been all in with your son, he knew that, I tried to tell him that but he wouldn't listen to me.'

'I've always thought of you as a bit of cow Penelope, but never did I think you'd look down on my son.'

'Look down on your son? I've never felt like that. I can't love someone just because I'm getting married to them. It was a horrible mistake.'

'You got that right; we took you in like our own daughter.'

'Oh yeah that's right, so much so that you made me walk home from a restaurant because I said one thing out of line.'

'I did no such thing.'

'Course not.' Penelope told her. 'Sorry if I don't believe you but I've never been welcomed in your family.' For that Kevin's mom slapped around the face, Penelope felt the blood trickle slightly as one of the rings cut into her cheek.

'How dare you.' She heard Derek struggling and she barged Penelope out of the way. 'And you! I hope you're happy with yourself, breaking up a perfect family. Destroying a perfectly good woman, demoralising a man. People like you should be left to die.'

'Hey!' Penelope said storming into the room, her nerves worn thin and gone at last. 'He's in a hospital bed for Christ Sake; he doesn't need you to be yelling at him like a sanctimonious bitch!' Penelope spat and pulled Karen back. 'Your problem is with me, not him, me, the woman you've been beating down for the past 2 years.'

'You think you can just walk out of something like this?'

'Mom just leave it.' Kevin's voice spoke out broken and hurt from the doorway. 'It's not going to do any good.'

'Kevin.' Penelope said shocked and completely apologetic.

'Save it Penelope, I knew it'd always be him.' Kevin said and began to walk away; Penelope went after him and grabbed his hand. 'Don't touch me!' He said and pulled it away. 'You have no right to touch me or speak to me.'

'Kevin you need to understand how unhappy I was.'

'You think I didn't realise that, I thought that maybe once we were married you might perk up a bit, love it when I touch you, not look so distant when we're making love.'

'Why didn't you just pick me up on those if you were noticing them?'

'Because I couldn't lose you!'

'So what you knew I wasn't happy yet you selfishly kept me?'

'Selfishly kept you?' Kevin asked and stepped closer, Penelope hid her fear at his tone of voice, covered up the flinch that built. 'Once I placed that ring on your finger you were mine for life.'

'But I wasn't was I?'

'Obviously not, so how many times did you sleep with him while you were with me?' Penelope didn't reply. 'Well?'

'Just the once.'

'You know I would've made you change your ways, got you to move away, start anew.' He looked at the doorway of the room, into his mom's eyes. 'Made you happy.'

'But you wouldn't have been would you?' She asked, her own temper flaring. 'Because you weren't what I wanted.'

'Of course I was.' He told her almost deluded that she would just be able to turn off her emotions, she then seemed to take into account they were at the hospital.

'Now isn't the time to be shouting the odds.'

Kevin shook his head. 'You know you wanted me.'

'No, I didn't.'

'Then who, because you know I'm the only one for you, you know you can't live without me, you know you need me.'

'No! What I need is, how you put it the other night, Derek_ fucking_ Morgan!' She spat and then her head spun as Kevin punched her and she fell to the ground. She knew she deserved this, she'd just jilted a man on what should've been his happiest day and just then she'd taunted him about it and a man she truly loved.

'Oh God Penelope!' Kevin said regrettably and got down next to her as he saw the redness beginning to creep out.

With watering eyes she pushed herself away. 'Leave me alone Kevin. This is all over now.' She said and got to her feet and then turned and went into Derek's room, ignoring his calls and ignoring Karen's near enough death glare.

She stood in front of the mirror and let the tears fall as she ran some tissue under the tap and began to clean the cut and ease the throbbing on her cheek.

'Penelope.' Hotch's voice rang out and she sighed, this was the difficult part, facing her boss. She wiped her face and inspected the mess; she then sucked in a breath and faced the music.

'Hey boss man.' She said nonchalantly and she saw the whole team standing around.

'Get changed Penelope.' He said handing her a bag. 'Then we're getting you seen to and you have some explaining to do.' She nodded and ignored Derek's watchful gaze.

'Can someone get me a bag for this dress please?' JJ exited the room and Penelope went in and undid the dress letting the ivory material pudding around her ankles. She took the garter off her leg and added it to the pile and then just pulled on the track suit bottoms and vest, pulling the cardigan around her she then just grabbed the dress in a ball and left the bathroom.

Emily immediately took the dress from her and then allowed herself to go over to Derek. 'Are you okay?'

'I'm fine baby girl, I'm more worried about you, I could kill Lynch if I wasn't so...'

'Don't worry handsome, he'll get his comeuppance so really don't you worry.'

'But you're face.' He said as his fingers ran over the red mark and the cut. 'He's a dead man walking to me; he had no right to lay a finger on you, or his mother.'

'He had every right to, I antagonised him to do it, but he needed the truth and I needed that type of finale to end it all.' She told him and smiled sadly.

'Come on Penelope, let's get you sorted.' Hotch said and guided her out of the room. On their way down to the emergency room he kept her close to him. 'I think you made the right move running.' Penelope laughed in disbelief at him. 'I do, I've always thought you were making a big mistake marrying him but it was never my place to step in and tell you what to do so I never did, but I knew you were getting close to ending it.'

'I wish it'd happened better.'

'Like you just told Derek, you got the ending you needed to move on.'


	5. Man To Man

Disclaimer: I do not own the greatness that is Criminal Minds!

* * *

Derek settled down for the day, he'd been out of the hospital nearing 3 weeks and he was left to his own devices at home. It'd taken a lot for him to just sit around and not want to work a case but it felt good when Penelope came home to him.

This time he had with her meant that he could appreciate her and love her and look after her when a case was getting to her, when she didn't want to be all happy. It meant he could hold her when all she wanted to do was cry and get angry with the world.

But today was different, today she was at work and content with the world, even if it didn't last long and Derek was sat waiting on a phone call.

He knew from past experience that all he had to do was make a simple call and whatever he wanted to know was his.

The phone rang and he answered it in his normal manner. 'Morgan.' He said roughly and listened intently, grabbing the pad from in front of him he quickly jotted down what he needed and put the phone down before staring at the pad.

Satisfied he had time, he rang for a cab and then got ready, he was more mobile now and he didn't need to be supervised, even though he Penelope would see it differently and so would his mom who after weeks had pulled rank and demanded she spend some time with him.

When the cab arrived he got in and gave the address over, as he drew closer and closer he knew what he wanted to say and he knew what he wanted to happen.

Soon he found himself standing in front of a house and he couldn't help but smirk, not a self righteous smirk but a rightful smirk. In front of him was Penelope and Kevin's premarital house, now it belonged to Kevin until he managed to sell it. Derek made the short walk up, he felt his luck grow, he'd let Lynch live long enough he thought and now he had full power back he was willing to shorten the man's life.

Knocking he began to tap his foot on the step as he waited and then the door began to open and Kevin just stood shocked before he began to close the door. 'No.' Derek said sliding his foot into the way so the door couldn't close. 'We need to talk.'

'No, we don't.' Kevin said and looked at Derek's foot. 'Move your foot.'

'Not until we've had a chat.'

'There's nothing to talk about.' Kevin responded and Derek pushed the door back and let himself in. 'Morgan, you can't just do that!'

'I think I can.'

'I'll call the police.'

'On a FBI agent, yeah smart move there man.' Derek chided. 'I'm not here to kill you although it seems like the right thing to do but Pen would hate me for it.'

'Yeah we wouldn't want the precious baby girl to think now would be?' Kevin mocked and folded his arms across his chest, he then went wide eyed as he looked at Derek, who now had him pinned against the wall and laughably with on one arm on the wall.

'You listen here, Penelope did not deserve what you did to her that day in the hospital, from you or your mom.' Derek told him, using his other hand to point a finger in Kevin's face. 'I don't know who your mother thinks she is but she's been a constant nag to Penelope for years and only recently did she stop talking to me of the treatment she went through.'

'My mom's not that bad.'

'Walking home from a restaurant? What did Penelope say that was so awful?'

'The picture of you two fell out of her purse, my mum picked it up and questioned her on who it was.'

'So your mom's a racist?'

'No.'

Derek sniggered. 'Sure sounds that way Kevin.' He then shook off his want to smack Kevin and backed off. 'I'm just here to tell you that if any harm comes to Penelope physically or mentally, heck even virtually I'll come down on you arse so hard you won't know what's hit you... do I make myself clear?'

'You can't just make threats like that.'

'See the way it looks Kevin is that I just did, so do I make myself clear?' Kevin remained silent and just stared at him. 'I wouldn't want to arrange you ugly mug any more than it already is Lynch so do I make myself clear?'

'Y-yes.'

'Good.' Derek headed for the door. 'I'll see you around then man.' Derek said and smiled opened the door. 'See ya later Lynch.' He called behind him and went back to the taxi, he didn't care how much was on the meter he needed to do that small act for his girl, he needed to get it across that he'd do anything to protect her but for now it'd be his little secret. Before getting in he looked at the door and saw Lynch still standing around at the door, almost hovering to wait for his safety to return. 'Our little secret okay Kev?' He called up in a friendly manner and Kevin nodded before watching Derek sit in the cab and watching it disappear.

Penelope was late home that night, about 8 hours late, a case was called in and the BAU were needed urgently so she had to stick around. Already it was proving to be more hard hitting than any she'd done before, curvaceous blondes shot at close range by someone that were acquainted with, the last one the Unsub had taken her out on a date, it was all too close to home.

It was well past midnight when she made it home and as the door clicked shut and her bags were on the floor she sunk to the floor, knees pulled up to her chest as she sobbed. She knew from the time that Derek would be asleep with pain meds so she just stayed there.

'Pen?' Derek's voice came from in front of her and she quickly wiped her face and stood up, immediately his head raced to Kevin. 'What's he done?'

'Who?' She said straightening herself up. 'Oh, it has nothing to do with Kevin.' Derek knew full well it was nothing to do with Kevin; Hotch had called him with a heads up at what the case had involved. He stood staring at her and then her face crumpled again and she cried fresh tears.

'Hotch called, I know about the case.' He said and gave in as he took her into his arms. 'They're not you.'

'No but I was almost them, just another statistic, another cold thing in the ground like they're gonna be, I was almost that!' She said as the rush of emotions began to play out. 'I was so close to being like them, a victim on a board while people dug into my life, heck I got the profiler, digging mumble jumble done to me and I lived!'

'Hey you can't start to think like that Baby Girl.'

'I can because how come I can live but they can't, how come he didn't really make sure I was silenced forever when there's a man running around trigger happy just shooting woman...' Her lip quivered. 'Women that are like me.

I would've coped if it wasn't for Kevin, he turned up about 3ish and was really nice, told me he had no hard feelings, that he wouldn't do anything, that he was moving on even took a new job. It threw me majorly, and he was so friendly like when we first met not the type of behaviour I expected for running, it threw me off course and distracted me.' She said as she continued to hug into Derek's chest. 'Why are you smiling?' She asked.

'I'm not.' He responded innocently and she pulled away from him.

'Derek... what did you do with your day?'

'Waited around, my mom's here.'

'Uh huh, and before that.' She said wiping the tears off her face, she pulled a face and he sighed.

'I went and paid Lynch a little visit.' He saw her about to say something. 'No harm happened as you saw but I had a little talk man to man about what he did in the hospital. I haven't' been happy since so I stuck it in there what would happen if any harm came to you in any form.'

'Well he got the idea, so can we leave it?'

'Course we can.' He told her and pulled her towards the stairs. 'Bed now.' She nodded hesitantly and went up.

'Where's your mom? Please tell me you didn't do the sheets on your own?'

'I didn't do the sheets, I had them ready she just put them on.'

'Derek!'

'She didn't mind honest! She's asleep; I'll be up in a moment.' He told her and she nodded and headed upstairs. Derek knew what tonight was going to hold but he wanted her in his arms so that she would know that everything was okay, that it would be getting better.

When he finally made it upstairs, the lights were off and the whimpering had started, as the door clicked shut Penelope's whimper cut off and her body went rigid before her breathing raced and became struggled. Derek's heart broke, she had to be dreaming of the night Battle shot her and he'd just lived it with her, as her breathing became almost strangled he climbed on the bed and she began to mumble his name, taking her in his arms he held her through the nightmare until she was silently, and only then did he allow himself to sleep.

Penelope woke up in the night, her chest hurt and she knew it was all because of the nightmare; it was going to keep wrecking havoc on her. She slipped out of the bed, she didn't want to hurt Derek with all her thrashing and she wanted him to get the rest she knew he needed. Grabbing a spare pillow and a blanket she went downstairs, it was 5:33am and when she made it down stairs she found herself twisting and turning so got up and grabbed the paper opened it on to the puzzle page and stuck the kettle on.

She needed to be at work soon so she thought she might as well start her day early. Grabbing a mug she made herself a cup of coffee and began to sip as she got stuck in with a crossword that Derek had obviously started. It was on her third cryptic clue that she realised that Derek's mom was somewhere in the house, the woman she'd brushed past without an introduction the day Derek had shoved her out of the hospital room.

Rubbing her temples today was just going to get worse and she knew it.

'I thought you were up.' Derek's husky, sleep ridden voice spoke out, he stretched as he walked and planted a kiss on her. 'It's too early.'

'I was scared to hurt you.'

'I'm not so tender.'

Penelope laughed slightly. 'This is me you're talking to handsome, the other one in the team that's been shot before.'

'Right but still I'm not tender, sore mainly but you're thrashing wouldn't have hurt.'

'Still didn't want to run the risk so I didn't bother sticking around.'

'Mmhmm, running from sleep isn't a good idea Baby girl.' Penelope laughed, she knew he was right and that just proved it. 'So no leaving the bed anymore.'

'Got it Hot Stuff.'

'Good girl.' He told her and kissed her before going for her coffee, she pulled it away. 'Oh come on!'

'Na uh, not until you're finished with the meds, you didn't let me touch coffee for over a month remember.'

'So what is this payback?'

Penelope took a sip and nodded slightly. 'The saying goes 'paybacks a bitch.' Penelope retorted and Derek laughed before pulling her off the stool she was on and kissing her directly on the lips.

'Oh, sorry.' Derek broke the kiss as his mom spoke; he looked at her and smiled. 'I didn't mean to interrupt.'

'Oh mom, what are you doing up?'

'I heard someone up and I get up this time most mornings so why break the habit?' Fran answered and looked at Penelope. 'I don't think we got a proper introduction... Fran.'

'Penelope.'

Fran smiled. 'It's good to finally meet you, it's been too long.' She smiled again as she saw her son's face. 'I had a suspicion of who you were.'

'You must have heard it between the argument and the gentle words we were having that day.'

'I was more interested in what you two were arguing about.'

'Mom, let's just say that'll all come out but until then, I want you to meet my fiancée.' Derek said proudly, he'd finally followed through and got that ring on her finger.

'Derek James Morgan! Only now do you let out this vital information!' Fran said happily and Penelope smiled as Derek told her the news. 'I only find out now... when did this happen?'

'On my wedding day.' Penelope told her and smiled sweetly and Derek playfully smacked her arm. 'She needs to know the truth Derek, everything that lead to this.'

'Fine, mom sit down I'll get you a drink.' Fran sat down and Penelope reclaimed her seat, then Derek just listened to the quiet conversation that broke out and he smiled, it was all so effortless, Penelope was confiding in a mother figure and in return was getting the motherly love she'd lost all those years before.

Life was good, just from that moment in life he knew things were better. He had his family together now and looking at them, his wife to be and his mom he couldn't picture something better. It was a picture of perfection to him and he wasn't going to let it go for anything.


	6. Perfectly Fitting Song

Disclaimer: I do not own the greatness that is Criminal Minds!

* * *

'Baby girl!' Derek called as he entered the house; he was home, to her, to his bliss. The longest of cases occurred and he had to leave her alone knowing she was ill. He could only ring her so many times and ask the same question without getting on her nerves. When he got no response he went in search of her. He grinned as he looked at her asleep on top of the bed. He climbed on next to her.

'Mm, you're home.' She mumbled sleepily.

'I am sweetness.' He said and pulled her close to him. 'How you feeling today?'

'Better.' She said and pulled away. 'I need to tell you something, the doctor, he found something.' Derek's worry sky rocketed at that moment; he pulled away to, disengaging from her for a moment as he tried to read her expression.

'Pen?'

'A little thing called a parasite, gives off unwanted feelings of sickness and tiredness that slowly grows into a bundle of joy.' She said and her smile grew larger and larger.

'Are you for real?'

'Very much so Handsome.' She told him before being pulled under him as he began to ravish on her neck with kiss after kiss, she felt lost with the feeling that filled her, a touch she'd missed while he'd been away.

Later that evening, as the perspiration of sweat from their intimacy began to dry he pulled her off the bed to get food. Rummaging around in his bag he pulled the ipod out and put it on the dock, hitting play he made his way into the kitchen.

Penelope stood staring as the song filled the room, her mind racing back to the day she nearly lost it all, Derek wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck again, she smiled and accepted it openly.

'Do you realise this song probably got us here today?' She said as it continued to play. 'Taught me in some way to go for the best, not settle with second best.'

'Good song.'

'Can you change it?' She asked him and he nodded before turning her and kissing her on the lips.

'I know the perfect song baby girl.' He told her and left her alone again.

_**You're having my baby**_

Penelope laughed at the first line of lyrics_**, what a lovely way of saying how much you love me**_, she smiled more as she saw Derek sashay back into the room.

_**You're having my baby,  
What a lovely way of saying what you're thinking of me**_

'You put it on deliberately?'

'Well my wife is pregnant so I thought it was very apt.'

_**I can see it, your face is glowing,  
I can see it in your eyes, I'm happy you know it**_

That you're having my baby,  
You're the woman I love, & I love what it's doing to ya,  
You're Having my baby,  
You're a woman in love and I love what's going through ya,

'How can I disagree with you there then handsome?' She asked as she put her hands either side of him on the counter top, her rings making a noise with contact. She watched him approach her, since she'd told him; he'd had a certain twinkle to his eyes.

'Simple, you can't mamma.' He said and smiled, she really was going to live up to that name now and he couldn't be happier with the thought. He'd gotten his dream, Penelope was his wife and now she was going to be walking around, pregnant with his child.

No one else's but his.

_**The need inside you, I see it showing,  
Oh the seed inside you,  
Baby do you feel it growing,  
Are you happy you know it,**_

That your having my Baby,

'How did you remember you had this song?' Penelope asked cutting into the song as he gathered her in his arms, food long forgotten and danced with her into the living room where the music was louder.

'I took a guess and was impressed with it being there.'

'It was a good guess.'

'Yeah 'cause every word is true baby. You're having my baby and it shows our love, shows us as a duo.'

'I thought our marriage did just that.'

'Oh it does but this shows our want for a family together.' He told her as he carried on leading her around the room in a gentle sway.

_**Didn't have to keep it, wouldn't put you through it,  
You could of swept it from your live,  
But you wouldn't do it, no you wouldn't do it.**_

And your having my Baby,

'This definitely seals the deal big time you know that right?'

'Oh I do and I'm forever grateful for it.' He told her and smiled. 'But I wished it'd happened differently, like I wish I hadn't let you go that night, hurt you so much.'

'You might have but we got here in the end didn't we?'

'We did.' He said and kissed her again, finding her the object of his entire desire, of his every need. 'We really did.'

_**Yeah You're Having my baby**_

'Too right you're having my baby.' He said as the song ended and he then whisked her off to the bedroom again.

The start of forever now began.

The Morgan's happily ever after was well and truly underway now.

_**-=-=-=-=-=-**_

_**The End!**_

_**-=-=-=-=-=-**_

_**A/n:**_ Song- Paul Anka- (You're) Having A Baby

Thanks to Emzypemzy for that song! Even if she doesn't really know she gave me it to me for that purpose! Lol

Thanks to everyone that reviewed! =)


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